Consistency is the antidote to perfectionism and self-doubt

Personal Digressions: Notes to myself on creativity and talent.

Catching the sun bleeding into the sky.

Writer’s Note: Writing fiction or my usual research-heavy long-form essays is quite taxing. Sometimes, I just want to share my casual thoughts. Hope that is okay and that you find them somewhat useful :)
Such posts will always be tagged as “Personal Digressions” in the subheading.
I have also organized all the posts on my website under different sections in case you are interested in exploring past editions: www.subtledigressions.com (Unfortunately, the subtsack app doesn’t show these sections. You will have to visit the website in a browser instead.)
I’m also considering adding voiceovers to more of my posts. Is that something you’d be interested in?
Now, to the main post…

“Every book seems the struggle of a whole life. And then, when it is done — pouf. Never happened. Best thing is to get the words down every day. And it is time to start now.”—John Steinbeck

Creativity is hard, even more so when you’re still finding your voice. Each moment is spent wondering if you have even an ounce of talent or if you’re merely living in a fantasy inside your head. It’s a scary thought.

This is something I have been thinking about these days—about creativity, about self-doubt, and about putting yourself out there regardless.

Sometimes, it is difficult to distinguish between who you are and who you wish you were. You worry not figuring this out for yourself will lead you to a miserable life when you hit forty. That’s a tough place to be in, I imagine.

But at the same time, I think it’s important to get through this phase—the phase of constant self-doubt that turns your stomach upside down, not knowing when it will end.

You don’t know what you’ll find on the other side. Success or failure? And it’s impossible to know unless you take that risk.

You could, of course, simply not play the game and just sit on the sidelines as a spectator. There’s no shame in that. But as the years go by, will you not feel a growing sense of unease about being a mere spectator? You know you want to play the game. You know you have to play the game because if you don’t, you’ll just end up with regret.

The only thing stopping you is the fear of failure. What if you play the game and the comfortable life you’ve currently built is taken away from you? Dreams often require sacrifice.

But then you wonder, what if you are playing the wrong game? Some failure is inevitable along the way, but when is the right time to give up?

I assume there’s some mystical failure threshold that once you hit, you’re supposed to quit. But what if you could improve as you keep putting in the hours? But then you think, what if you are bad beyond redeemable?

Should you not give up then? What if you give up too soon? What if all you had to do was hit the rock one more time with your hammer, and you would’ve hit the gold, but you gave up right before that last hit? What a tragedy that would be.

I think about writers who published their first book at 25. And then I think about writers who started writing in their twenties but published their first book in their fifties, going through many different jobs to pay the bills. The world is full of both examples.

It’s difficult to keep going when no one pays any attention to you. However, in some sense, it is also a relief because you evade the constant scrutiny of the world since no one is paying any attention to you anyway, except maybe your mother.

There’s a lot of advice out there. Some things work for some people, and some things don’t, but they work for other people. I guess there are no shortcuts. No safety nets. The only way to live life is to live it instead of constantly strategizing your next move.

So here’s my conclusion: There’s no easy way to find out if you have any talent or skill at writing (or any other endeavor). The only way to find out is to do it and not care much about the results. Not chasing the paralyzing perfection, but focusing instead on consistency.

The Australian writer and YouTuber Christy Anne Jones writes about perfectionism: “Perfectionism is the manifestation of the harrowing fear that we may never actually ever be good enough”. I think that’s a beautiful way to put it.

I believe that consistency is the antidote to perfectionism and self-doubt. There will be criticism along the way. Not everyone will like what you have to give. Not everyone will understand your point of view and what you’re trying to say. As the photographer, filmmaker, and YouTuber Peter McKinnon put it, “It’s a lot easier to criticize than it is to create.”

I could, of course, be wrong. But you have to be willing to find out. In the meantime, all you can do is simply just keep at it.

“I only hope it is some good. I have very grave doubts sometimes. I don’t want this to seem hurried. It must be just as slow and measured as the rest but I am sure of one thing — it isn’t the great book I had hoped it would be. It’s just a run-of-the-mill book. And the awful thing is that it is absolutely the best I can do. Now to work on it.”—John Steinbeck, in his journals, while writing The Grapes of Wrath—the book responsible for his Pulitzer prize and later, the Nobel prize.

---

Here’s a song for you to enjoy while you fight your own monsters in your head:

*Music in the voiceover from Musopen - The Complete Chopin Collection by Aaron Dunn